My children have grown. It seems sudden, yet I have been willing them to become more independent for a long time. Every day I will them silently to grow and learn so I don’t have to do it for them. Please can you feed yourself? Can you put on your own clothes? And please, oh please, can you wipe your own arse? I ask them these and many other silent questions on a daily basis . . .
Then, today I noticed. I noticed how big Master 4 is. I noticed how well he is speaking and how much he tries to learn new words and comprehend what time means. I noticed how Master 2 is struggling between wanting to be a big boy and still being Mama’s boy at heart. His talking and his behaviour have improved markedly in the past month. He loves his big and little brother so much and calls them his best mates and he loves singing and reading. I noticed how Master 1 has quickly gone from walking to climbing and how much he loves dancing on the table and climbing onto chairs that he has pushed up to the bench top!
I don’t know when these changes started. Maybe I was willing them so much that they seemed to happen quickly. Now I am panicking that it’s all too quick. It’s not that I want them to stay babies. I do love seeing their progress. It’s just that it has hit me from nowhere and now I want to notice everything and burn it into my memory – if only there was any space left in there!
It’s been a busy month for me engulfed by my inability to walk after a torn muscle while playing Squash. So I have been unable to exercise and this has affected my mood and disposition. A lot. This has been compounded by a hectic round of social engagements that has meant I have had to make a huge effort while feeling like shit and trying to eat healthily. So while being wrapped up in my own misery I have missed the entertainment and pure joy that childhood milestones bring.
But, I am catching up quickly; Master 4 tells me that I am the “most difficult Mum in the whole world” (I’m sure he meant “different”) and that he loves me “more than all the hairs on the hyenas” Master 2 is not to be beaten and says “You’re my best Mama ever!” Master 1 joins the fun with “Mam-Mam-Ma-Ma-Ma” to the tune of Row-Row-Row Your Boat. As we all have snuggle on the couch before bed I feel so lucky and proud and wonder if I can hold my shit together long enough to get them to adulthood.