Well my anniversary of one year blogging has come and gone. I missed it, primarily because I was busy living – camping in fact. But I have not been too busy to reflect. I have been thinking a lot about why I first started blogging and if anything has changed for me.
The answer is yes, and not much. Yes I have found a place of solace for myself; a creative outlet and a sense of purpose (outside of my family life). Yet, the demands on me have not altered too much and in some aspects, such as my business commitments, they have increased. So my dilemma is that to have any sense of solace I always have to compromise something else away. Whatever it is I want to achieve means that something else drops off my radar completely since there is simply not enough minutes to go around all the time.
I am ever-guilty about my precious time allocation. Often I spend too much time at work; not enough time at home; friends get neglected and health and exercise are put on the back-burner.
I sometimes wonder how long it is since I took the kids to the park or on a play date. Did I give them enough of my attention today? Did I really listen to them? I simply struggle with how much I have done or not done, so there are many duplications and sometimes long gaps in our activities. Overall I think I manage OK but there is always a nagging doubt that I could do better and more for them.
Then on the work front I try to fit a full weeks’ work into my two work days. I regularly put unrealistic expectations on myself and then wonder why I am exhausted and annoyed at myself. What I try to achieve in a day is probably enough for two full-time employees. Yet I persist.
So tonight is Friday night. It’s the end of another full-on week. We have gone to the park on the way home. Mr Magentafrog has cooked fish we’ve caught ourselves and made salad from our garden. We have eaten dinner together and talked with the children about their day. Master 4 has helped to make custard for dessert. Everyone is bathed and ready for bed and now chilling out watching a Diego DVD. It will soon be story time.
Amazingly, we’ve discovered that the calmer we are, the better behaved the children. It makes perfect sense but it’s not something that is easy to spot when you’re stuck on the domestic treadmill. So we are taking a deep breath and doing our best to keep life’s stresses in perspective. Life is a constant juggle and many times things will be compromised as it’s hard to get right all the time. My commitment to my commitments just gets rotated around so each takes a turn, but nothing is ever concurrent. But right here, right now, we are OK. And it’s moments like these that I want to cling to and savour.
Happy anniversary to me.