We live in a small house. We are a family of five and we have one toilet. I have spoken about my family’s poos before here and here, but I would like to know just how we can all need to go at the same time.
The first time this happened Mr Magentafrog was doing his business when Master 4 urgently needed to go. So I took him outside to go in the back garden, I washed him off under the hose, picked up the turd, flushed it down the toilet (because by that time Mr Magentafrog had finished) and didn’t think anymore of it.
But it keeps happening. Just when someone is in the middle of their business, someone else needs to go immediately because ‘poo’s coming out’. There have been a couple of times now where Mr Magentafrog and I have needed to go only to be thwarted by one child on the toilet, one with a full nappy and one having to be supervised squatting camping-style in the back garden. Suffice it to say that while dealing with all this shit, I don’t get to do my own.
It happened again today when I was the only parent home. Master 4 held the throne and as is his habit he tends to stay on longer than necessary so he can finish reading a book. Master 2 needed to go urgently and could not be persuaded to go outside or in nappy pants and had started screaming and crying. I had to get Master 4 to cut it short and then I installed Master 2 on the grand seat.
Master 4 was more than happy to go outside. But he was not happy to squat in one spot because grass kept touching him. So he kept dropping nuggets here there and everywhere in an effort to get just the right location. Like an animal marking his territory he left a stinky trail around the yard and kept me outside longer than I liked cleaning up and washing off.
Anytime I am distracted for longer than a second is time enough for Master 2 to strike. He did not disappoint. When I got back inside I found this:
Master 2 had merrily unrolled a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet and onto the floor. When he saw me he ran away and jumped up onto the lounge before I could wipe him! All the while Master 1 screamed his head off because he was still strapped into his high-chair from dinner time.
So, I firstly wiped Master 2’s bum and then the couch. I then tried to salvage some of the paper and explained to him how good behaviour gets you good things and that this was not good behaviour. He didn’t give two hoots. In fact he looked at me like I was speaking some alien language ran off again and jumped from the couch to the recliner like a wild monkey. Ignoring him, I finished cleaning up the toilet, mopped the wet floor and peeled the globs of wet toilet paper off the walls. I then went to get Master 1 who basically leapt out of his seat and into my arms glad to be free at last.
I put a DVD on to distract Masters 4 and 2 and headed off to bath Master 1. My night was just beginning.