I have a wonderful life. I often talk about my experiences of motherhood and raising my sons as hard work. It is. All. The. Time. But it is also humbling, terrifying, heartbreakingly beautiful and funny. I don’t intend my posts to be negative at all; although they sometimes will seem that way, it’s more my intention to present my experiences honestly – and to do that, I have to remind myself that this healthy chaos is temporary and I must enjoy every second of it.
While life throws difficulty at us just when we think we’re on top of things there are small pockets of time where everything is put into perspective. For example, I might be rushing around the house in the morning trying to motivate everyone to get moving and then over-hear Masters 4 and 2 conversing as they patiently explain a book to each other and argue about what the words say. By creeping up to their bedroom door I can listen in and watch them perfectly poised next to each other sharing the book across their laps. Then, when I’m trying to clean my teeth in peace I can hear the slap of Master 1’s pudgy little feet coming my way to empty the bathroom drawers. I secretly like it when Master 2 crawls into bed next to me in the middle of the night and toys with my hair to self-settle. And snuggling into the neck of any of my children is enough to bring me to tears. It is these precious moments that melt my heart and make me want to know them and to appreciate all that I have. This is what parents mean when they say ‘Ah, but it’s all worth it’ but to me these are the moments that keep me sane; if they didn’t pop up every so often I think I might’ve been Certified in the first three months of parenthood!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I am healthy and happy. My family is healthy and happy. We love, learn, play, and eat together. There are things that my husband and I do that mean we are building a strong scaffold for our boys to grow to be good men – this is the way we choose to live but they will know no different. By this I mean that we’d never claim to be perfect but we work damn hard at being good people but in their minds (hopefully) we will have always been that way. Putting this into perspective means that parenting can only ever be about doing the best you can. The best laid plans or hopes for what sort of adult your child grows into can be thwarted by circumstances beyond your control and at some point parents have to let go and trust that their children will make judicious choices.
I know that writing my blog is more important in many different ways than the cleanliness of my house or the everyday anxiety that child-rearing brings. The mess and the bad behaviour are temporary (Oh please let that be true!). I am trying every day to enjoy it all – to see every second of parenthood as fabulous and to see that what I’m living is many people’s dream, which they cannot make come true.
I am grateful that all life experiences have led me to the life I have right now.