There are monsters in my house.
They live in the shadows and beckon me to join them in the spooky forest. They take things from me and return them after I’ve searched everywhere, just for laughs.
I don’t know where they have come from or how that got to our house in particular. I don’t usually entertain such notions or try to scare kids with stories to get them to behave. But I got talking with Master 3 and 20 months about our new house guests. I wanted to know if they were they friendly. “Yes”. “They”. “Are.” Were they red or blue in colour? He said matter-of-factly that they were “just normal coloured”. Mmmm . . . I would have to hone my investigative skill. I asked where they slept; “With me, like always”. Bored with the conversation Master 3 prepared his exit by asking Master 20 months if he wanted to “go play in the shadows”. Master 20 months seemed to understand and was led away by the hand willingly. Now, this was getting positively creepy.
One morning I woke to screams coming from the boys’ room. “Mama, Mamaaa, come quuuuick”! Three quarters asleep and bleary eyed I rushed in to find both boys with both hands on their cheeks in classic scream expression. I looked around for the cause and seeing no immediate danger asked what the problem was. “There’s a monster under our beds,” was the quick reply. I knew what I had to do. I went and got our broom.
I started sweeping under the beds and telling the monster loudly that they couldn’t live here anymore; they had to move out now and find somewhere else to live. I swept that damn monster right through the house. On the front veranda it began to fight me, I gave it the old left-right-left and it fell to the ground with a black eye and a bloody nose!
I dragged it out onto the street and lifted it into the wheelie bin. It was a heavy sucker and I got covered in normal colour fur and my glasses fell off. It kicked me, it scratched me, and it didn’t want to go. It screamed at me and wee-ed on my foot! All the while the boys trailed behind me wide-eyed wide with wonder and in more alarm that what the monster had originally caused. Their expressions seemed to say that Mama was behaving strangely but man-oh-man it was exciting.
I was probably reinforcing the monsters’ existence but it was real to my boys, so I really had to get rid of it.
I can’t imagine what any passers-by or the neighbours might have thought was going on. But my boys have a new-found respect for Mama’s monster slaying ability.
What monsters inhabit your world? How do you deal with them? What lurks in the shadows at your place?