When I was a nerdy fat kid at High School most girls had a boyfriend. By fat I mean a whopping 65 kg and by nerdy I mean wore glasses, did my homework and could, well, read.
Once, I somehow managed to get to a cool kids party and one of the cool guys, who was universally regarded as a spunk, actually spoke to me. He said “you’d be really pretty if you weren’t so fat”. Then everyone within earshot laughed. Typical of the most inscrutable teenager mentality, I remember feeling kind of pleased. At least I’d been noticed. All I had to do was get skinny and I would succeed in getting myself a boyfriend.
Now I am
an adult older I have embraced my nerdiness. What I can’t embrace are the two slabs of flesh that run from the bottom of my shoulder blades down to my waist on either side. Back-fat (aka back-boobs) is the kind of fat that bulges either side of a bra strap that cannot be disguised behind any kind of shirt fabric. It’s the WTF kind of fat that sneaks up on you and is usually revealed in those unnecessary and totally unethical rear-view mirrors in the Myer change-rooms. You know the ones with the oh-so-flattering fluorescent lighting?
My back-fat is a hangover (no pun intended, honest) from my three pregnancies. Its cousins, veranda belly and stretch marks also inhabit my body. Mr magentafrog says my body is beautiful and he is in awe of what it has conceived, nurtured and produced when he looks at our three children with tears in his eyes. What a man! But, it’s easy for him to say; he’s muscular and fit.
I am constantly thinking up ways to either disguise or rid myself of my back-fat. I think it will be a life-long task. I suppose that reading about healthy eating while munching on chocolate biscuits defeats my purpose.
Mr magentafrog will love me through both thick and thin but I’m not so sure about me. Can I ever love my back-fat? What about you? Do you have parts of your body that are hard to love?
PS – Oh . . . and that cool guy, he never did leave my hometown. I think I get the last laugh.